A Collection Of My Favorite Quotations  

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DISCLAIMER:

These are quotes I have collected from various places, most of them have credit given where credit is due, however, if I have you quoted here and missed your name, drop me an e-mail, and we'll get that rectified posthaste!



I've Split the Quotes into four Sections

Witty Retorts       Geek Commentary        
 Tried Aphorisms
       Outdoors & Conservation
 
 

Witty Retorts

Sleep... A completely inadequate substitute for caffeine.

Insanity isn't a disease, it's a way of life.

Hi This is my friend Jack Shit and you don't know him.

Accept risk. Accept responsibility. Put a lawyer out of business.

Those that can, do. Those who cannot, fake it.

"I like children, I just can't eat a whole one." --3fingersalute.net

All opinions are my own - until criticized.

Let me put it this way: today is going to be a learning experience.

"This is the nineties. You don't just go around punching people. You have to say something cool first." - Joe Hallenbeck, The Last Boy Scout

"Never drink more than 2 Pan Galactic Gargleblasters unless you are a 20 ton Mega-Elephant with bronchial pneumonia." --Zaphod Beeblebrox

"There's no such thing as breakfast lasagne. It's just plain wrong."

Girls really do know just what they want - you to figure it out for yourself!

The grass is always greener on TV.

Hey, back off before I get mad and you have to kick my ass. You'd feel really guilty.

I don't need drugs. I'm messed up enough already.

"You are the universal nexus of sarcasm." --Ross Osenbau

I should start doing drugs, just so I have an excuse for acting so odd.

So, basically guys are just social power tools?

Lotteries are a tax for people who suck at math.

I'm sorry. Did I run over your dogma?

Just because no one in their right mind would wear it, doesn't make it hip.

There are few problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.

I'm out of my mind right now, but feel free to leave a message.....

This is my friend Murphy. I'll let you two get aquanted.

I found eternal happiness! Whoops, I just lost it

I summon the unholy demons of apathy, sarcasm & cynicism.

I love Mondays. On a Monday, anything is possible.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is NPR! And that means....it's time for a drum solo!" --They Might Be Giants

You can create your own opportunities this week.  Blackmail a senior executive.

"What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?" ---Hobbes

If you have night vision goggles the gazelles have no chance against you.

"People; kind of a planetary epidemic." --Willow from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

"Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure."
--Ross MacDonald

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." --Albert Einstein

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it." --Steven Wright


"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." --Napoleon Bonaparte

Never underestimate the power of ignorant people, especially in large
groups!

"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." --Mae West

"I may be drunk, but you're ugly, and tommorow I'll be sober" --Winston Churchill

"If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?" --Will Rogers

"If you are going through hell, keep going." --Sir Winston Churchill

"I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it." --Groucho Marx

"I am captain sarcasm... dun da da daaa
with holy vengence, captain sarcasm unleashes the greatley feared
sardonic terror bolt... PEW PEW PEW " --Ross Osenbau

"Don't juggle the nitroglycerine" --Carl Lebsack




Geek Commentary

"Oh Bother said the Borg. We assimilated Pooh."


"Yoda of Borg are we: Futile is resistance. Assimilate you, we will."

I fingered everyone on my system, and then, I fingered myself.

One crash is a tragedy. A million crashes is a Microsoft Product.

'Round the firewall, Out the modem, Past the server, Through the router, Down the wire, NOTHING BUT NET.

Blowing stuff up is my anti-drug. -3fingersalute.net


Your average desktop computer user has the IQ of a lobotomized flatworm.

So Linus, what are we doing tonight? The same thing we every night Tux. Try to take over the world!

All software is flawed. All hardware is flawed. If you haven't learned that yet, then you haven't been in tech.


We need guns. Lots of guns. --Neo, "The Matrix
"

"Its people like Tim McVeigh that ruin explosives for the rest of us." --Colin Tschida

"You're trying to reason with me. I don't fall for that any more." --3fingersalute.net

"Engineers aren't boring people; we just get excited over boring things."
--Anonymous

It is not a good idea generally to annoy a computer cracker, but it is a very bad idea to annoy a group of computer crackers bent on impressing each other




Tried Aphorisms

"Everyone says its important to be yourself. I say don't be yourself' create yourself. Make yourself who you want to be, not who you are expected to be. Just a thought." --Me

"Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity. " --Irving Kristol

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." --Thomas Alva Edison

"If you are going through hell, keep going." --Sir Winston Churchill


Rule of Life Number 2: Remember, it can all go to hell at any minute. --Jimmy Buffet

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." --Sharon Stone

"Idealists don't get much done witthout a few pragmatists running interference for them" --Eureka


"Remember, your body is a temple; however, it's also your dancehall and bowling alley" --Dharma Montgomery

"Do, or do not. There is no 'try'." --Master Yoda (The Empire Strikes Back)

"Every life has its points of fixity, certain small stillnesses in the incessancy of the world that anchor us with a sense of continuity and location." --Ted Leeson "The Habit of Rivers"

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. " --Mark Twain

"Living is about making mistakes. Dying is about wishing you had made more."
--The Embassy

"Life is the process of finding out too late that which should have been painfully obvious to you in the first place." --Travis Mcgee

"Sometimes you just have to wait to see what happens, instead of getting there and being disappointed when things turn out differently." --Aelgifa

"Every great mind is faced with the decision to either take over the world or defend it. But is there really a difference?" --Carl Lebsack




Outdoors & Conservation

"May the fulfilment come from the journey, not the destination." --Anonymous

"The amount of shrinkage is inversely proporsional to the temperature of the water"

"When one tugs at a single thing in nature, he finds it attached to the rest of the world." --John Muir

"Whitewater doesn't mean frozen with snow on top"


God bless America. Let's save some of it. --Edward Abbey

It is not enough to understand the natural world; the point is to defend and
preserve it. --Edward Abbey

A true conservative must necessarily be a conservationalist. --Edward Abbey

Saving the world was merely a hobby. My *vocation* has been that of
inspector of desert water holes. --Edward Abbey

Wilderness is not a luxury but a necessity of the human spirit. --Edward Abbey



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